Connections bind you to a web of reality. Connections are the conduit through which energy flows to you from the outside world. You are sensitive to the energy and you interpret the flow with your feelings. Taking conscious control of your connections enables you to successfully manage your life. If you are having trouble forming the right connection, you must change your biases.
Like me, you probably take most of your connections for granted. You’re connected to your job, your beliefs and your habits as well as with the oxygen content of the atmosphere, day/night cycles, and the solar radiation from our nearby star. You are connected to every news report you’ve ever read, every rumor you’ve ever heard and every movie you’ve ever see. You hold strong connections with your family and close friends but your most powerful connections are with your own personal past.
I’ve learned that, like the neurons in your brain, you are joined to everything around you. The connections you have to the outside world, however, are wireless. Instead of electrochemical signals sent through a hard wired neural network. . . you receive and interpret signals of vibrational energy sent through the air. Your body is a natural receiver and automatically decodes these wireless signals with finely tuned antennae (your ears and eyes). While you are awake, you constantly interpret incoming energy and add meaning and importance. How the energy influences you, however, is based on all the previous energy you’ve ever experienced.
Energy flowing in a connection is a form of kinetic energy. The greater the difference in potential energy between the two ends of the connection, the greater the flow of energy (Ohm’s law). You can’t see energy . . . of course. You can only feel the affect the energy has on you. Some energy is pleasant, like the smell of freshly baked cookies. You feel good when you receive a compliment from a friend, hear a baby laugh, or win tickets to a concert. Other energy is unpleasant, like being scolded or being forced to learn new software. Over time, you’ve experienced countless encounters with energy and automatically catalogue them as either positive and negative. Eventually, you form biases about the meaning you place on incoming information. Your attitude toward the outside world is the filter through which you disseminate incoming energy. Optimists see the world very differently than pessimists. Your biases force incoming information to fit your own personal model of the world.
Only you can choose how the energy received through a connection will influence you. You could be angry . . . or happy depending on your attitude. Pure energy, however, is neither good or bad. Pure energy is truthful, comprehensive and timely and radiates outward from an event, without interpretation, to you the observer. When you see it with your own eyes and hear it with your own ears, you feel it in your own way. Without your interpretation, the event holds little meaning.
A poor quality connection can distort the message. Like a bad cell phone connection, interference adds ambiguity to the incoming information. Many times, the true meaning is hidden or incomplete like a manager who withholds information or a friend who embellishes a rumor. Mixed messages can be easily misconstrued. Poor reception can be generated by a lack of trust, distractions, or resistance to new information that doesn’t match your mindset.
Maintaining your existing connections in their existing configuration will hold you firmly in place. This is fine if you are perfect the way you are but, if you’re not, you may need to “re-invent” yourself. The first step is to stop being self centered. To form a connection with someone else, you must open up. Reach out and share something. Entrepreneur magazine lists Five Rules for Building Connections that include joining a club or team, volunteer, or introduce yourself to someone new at school, work, church. Use inviting body language (hold you arms at your side and lean in slightly), smile and make eye contact. Make a funny comment about your surroundings, comment on a distinctive personal item like their watch, a pendant or their shoes. Ask an open ended question, listen, then ask follow up questions to get them talking. Try to find things in common. Remember that a great conversationalist is not the one doing most of the talking. Don’t pressure the friendship. Be patient. Let it evolve on it’s own. Stay close . . . but not too close. Business relationships, like friendships, are generally built by networking. Using social media like Linkedin allows you to expand your network beyond your local community. Growing connections takes more than just being friendly though. People want to connect with collaborative people they trust and respect.
I’ve learned 5 criteria for a personal connection to flourish:
- Both people must be receptive to the flow of energy,
- The energy flowing in connection must match the biases of both people,
- The connection must accomplish mutually beneficial objectives,
- The connection must be flexible,
- The timing must be right.
Everything in the known universe is either matter or energy. Energy never completely disappears, it only decreases with time and distance. Since connections are conduit for energy, you maintain an energy connection (even if minuscule) with everyone you’ve ever met, everything you’ve ever done, everywhere you’ve ever been, everything you’ve ever seen – heard – felt – smelled – tasted, every movie you’ve ever watched, every song you’ve ever heard and with every thought you’ve ever had. You are the sum total of the energy you’ve acquired through your connections.
In order to consciously take control your future, you must first realize what you are connected to; the people, places, things, memories, and habits in your life. How you are connected is equally important; direct or indirect, flexible or rigid, temporary or enduring. Finally, recognize how the flow of energy in the connection influences you. Do you take situations at face value or delve deeper in search for insight? Do you react out of habit or try something different? How you are influenced by your connections says a lot about your biases.
Make a conscious decision about your connections. Seek out and build constructive connections and sever destructive ones. Do it today.